Bottoms Up!

Scenes from last night:

I have to say, I think I’m a pretty good judge of character. After being a waitress for over twenty years, I can read my tables fairly quietly and accurately, which allows me to know when to be serious or when I can loosen up and throw around some banter with my customers. That being said, this guy…he was throwing me off of my game.

I first saw him when he and a woman walked into the restaurant. I said to myself, “now that guy is bringing the party!” He was wearing a very colorful Hawaiian style, at least six gold necklaces, a handful of earrings in both ears, multiple rings on both hands, and thinning hair that was tied back in a ponytail. Did I mention he was approximately 70 years old? He reminded me of an older version of Robin Williams’ character in The Birdcage, but he seemed as if he was on a date, so I was a little confused.

A little while later, one of my table leaves, and then when I go back out on the floor, he is sat at the table with a woman, waiting for the rest of their party to show up. It turns out to be a party of six, with two men and four women, in total, and I couldn’t tell who was with whom, still leaving me a little confused.

As I greet the table, we chat for a minute while trying to figure out the drinks for the table, when he said, “just bring a bottle of Pinot Grigio.”

Me: How many glasses with that?

Guy: Six glasses, so you better make it two bottles.

When I came back with the wine, I opened the bottle and gave him a taste to accept the bottle and then continued around the table giving everyone some wine. When I made it back to my new friend, I poured the last of the first bottle of wine into his glass.

He said, “Great, I get the bottom of the bottle!”

Me: Hey, not true! You had the top and the bottom of the wine.

Him: It’s a good thing I like both top and bottom!

Now let me say that I am not often speechless, but I was momentarily speechless. I had about ten different witty comebacks running through my head, but I just couldn’t get any out of my mouth. I think my mouth even opened and closed a few times, which made my new friend laugh.

All I could do was shake my head and laugh along with him, realizing I had my answer.





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