Food Porn

I was scrolling through the pictures on my camera roll, when I came across this gem from approximately seven years ago, and it brought back some funny memories.

It always makes me laugh when I see people post pictures of their food and hashtag it ‘food porn’, because it always reminds me of how one our former chiefs, created ‘real’ food porn back when hashtags were still considered pound signs.

No vegetables were harmed in the making of this picture #restauranthumor #foodporn


That’s what he said…

Scenes from last night:

A mother was speaking to her toddler as I was walking by and I overheard the following priceless gem:

Mother: Be careful, it’s big and squirts a lot (as he was picking up the ketchup bottle)

Me: That’s what he said…

I didn’t realize I said it loud enough to be heard, but apparently the mother actually heard me, and burst out laughing.

And the Darwin Award goes to…

Scenes from last night: (Stupid Question Edition)

And the Darwin Award goes to….

1) Are you open until you close?

2) Is your fish of the day the same as your fish of the night?

3) If I order the Squid Ink pasta, will it stain my teeth?

The Eyes Have It…

Scenes from last night:

It happened again…

That moment when I’m in the middle of a conversation with someone, and they just stop talking, and get this confused look on their face and say, “Did you know that your eyes are the same color as your hair?”

“Yes, I’ve heard that my whole life,” I said.

Officially my eyes are hazel and my hair is auburn. So that means that either my hair is green-ish or my eyes are red-ish, which may or may not account for my devilish behavior!

Boogie friends

Scenes from last night:

Most afternoons, there is this ten to fifteen minute window, between when we finish setting up and when we open the doors, where we just relax and chat.

Topics change fast and furiously, where it may start out with someone mentioning where they went out to dinner on their night off, it can quickly turn into a comment about something someone ate on a trip to South Africa, to shark diving, to a customer of ours that leads shark tours in the Bahamas… It can be dizzying.

I think that’s why, sometimes when I’m out with friends, and telling a story, I often find myself pausing during the telling of story, because I’m not used to being able to the full story, uninterrupted.

During one of these chat sessions, I overheard my one coworker mention that she’s never picked her nose. I was like, what?

Me: Wait! What did you just say?

Sally: I’ve never picked my nose.

Me: I call bullshit on that.

Sally: No, I never have.

Me: What about when you’re sick, and you can’t blow out the crusty ones?

Sally: No! Why don’t you believe me?

Jackie: I hate to agree, but I don’t believe you, either. (And Jackie is one of the prissiest people I know)

Sally: What is wrong with you guys. Why would I lie about this?

Me: I just find it hard to believe, that in all of your near 60 years, that you’ve never had to give a Kleenex a little assistance.

Sally: Nope, never.

I never said we were a bunch of rocket scientists.

Happy hour

Scenes from last night:

Yesterday, during our setup period before we opened, the telephone rang, and it’s always a fight to see who is not going to answer the phone.

Our manager literally had the portable phone in his hand, looked at it, set it on the counter and walked away.

Being that I was closest, I grabbed it and answered the phone.

Man: Hi, I was calling to see if you have any kind of a Happy Hour?

Me: No, Sir, we don’t, I’m sorry. (I mean, I’m not sorry, it’s not my policy, but I’m Canadian, so, you know…)

Man: You don’t? Well, huh…

Me: No, Sir. But we’re happy from 5-9:30, well, that’s a lie, maybe 5-8:30, after that, it’s a little questionable.

It took him a second and then he burst out laughing.

Man: Okay, that was good. We’ll see you tonight!

As I hang up the phone, my coworker, who I didn’t see behind me says, “Oh, you got jokes today.”

Me: Yeah, well, we have to break them in as early as possible 😉

My friend Flipper?

Scenes from Last Night:

Customer: What’s the fish in the fish sandwich?

Me: Dolphin

Customer: You mean like from Sea World? (Oh, no…not again)

Me: Yes! We have an aquarium in the back & we get weekly deliveries… (as I’m shaking my head with a smile on my face)

Customer: Wait, what?

Me: Dolphin & porpoise are two completely different species, never mind it’s completely illegal to sell, and besides…gross!

Customer: Oh, okay, I trust you. I guess I’ll have the fish sandwich.